


Too much

by GingeyPen



Category: Phineas and Ferb
Genre: Drunk Dialing, Drunken Confessions, Drunken Kissing, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-12
Updated: 2018-10-12
Packaged: 2019-07-29 23:20:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,574
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16274444
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GingeyPen/pseuds/GingeyPen
Summary: Doofenshmirtz has had one too many on a night out and has locked himself outside. And the only person he gave a spare key to was Perry the Platypus. But when Heinz gets drunk he gets a little more loose lipped than usual...





	Too much

**Author's Note:**

> Hey if you’re not into people doing anything to anyone else while drunk and consider it non consensual for either party (the drunk one or the sober one) then this can be considered a 'dubious consent' fic.  
> If you’re not comfortable with that then give this one a skip. If you’re okay with that then keep reading and enjoy! x

It was about 2 in the morning, at least that’s what Perry could make out from the kitchen clock. His blurry eyes adjusting to the world he was rudely awakened to by his beeping communicator. What could Monogram want at this hour? It must be serious to be calling so late.

“Perryyyyyy… _Perry_ _the_ _Platypuuuuus_ ” the voice cooed from down the device. It was shrill and squeaky, nothing like Francis’s low gruff bark. And from the sound of things, they were definitely drunk.

“It’s your ol’ nemesis _Doofenshmiiiiirtz_ ”

How on earth was he calling his communicator?

“Now your probably wondering how I’m calling you as, y’know, this is Monobrows way of calling you for missions and what not. Well one day I kinda got _boooored_ and _lonelyyyy_ and thinking about _yooou_ and since I knew you didn’t have a cell phone I…wait…do you have a cell phone? Aw I bet it’d be the tiniest little thing and teal to match your fur and if I were you I’d put a little ducky momo keychain on it like I do with mine so we’d match …”

Heinz slurred on as Perry started to wonder where this was all going.

“Anywho I wanted to be able to call you so we can hang out as we’re not nemesis anymore and er well I kinda…need you…right now Perry the Platypus…”

The emphasis on the word need made Perry wake up a little more almost standing to attention knowing that someone needed his help.

Shame it was 2 in the morning.

And Doofenshmirtz.

“I’ve left my keys inside my house Perry the Platypus and I want get in and go to bed as I’m tired and it’s late and it’s cold and Norm is probably wondering where I am and I know you have a spare key so do me a favour and let me in. Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeease… _pleeeee_ -”

Perry hung up before that continued for any longer, grabbed his keys and got on his moped to Heinz’s. It’s not a big help like he had thought, but was glad to know that he wasn’t in any actual danger.

~

Perry pulled into the drive and saw Doofenshmirtz slumped over by the door picking at grass sticking out from the sidewalk.

His hair was all messy, his cheeks flushed red, stains on his lab coat and he reeked of one too many with his head swaying a little every time he plucked another blade out of the ground. Soon as he saw Perry though, his eyes lit up and he beamed a big smile as he stumbled over himself trying to get up, but ended up half crawling half walking like a newborn giraffe towards Perry enveloping him in a big hug

“ _Perryyyyy_ ” he smiled as he squeezed a little more air out of the platypus’s lungs “Aw man am I glad to see you! I thought we got disconnected and thought I would have to stay out here all night!”

Perry patted Heinz’s back before hopping off his moped and walking towards the door, he could never leave him behind like that. Never have, never will.

He suddenly felt Doofenshmirtz snatch the keys out of his hand “wait wait _wait_ I’ll do it I’ll open the door as you’re too short to reach like I can…I’m 6’2 you know…apart from when I slouch but I’m still not so short and cute like _yooooou_ ”

Perry rolled his eyes and gestured ‘be my guest’.

He watched Heinz’s hand wobble and make the key scratch around the door handle as it went everywhere except the lock.  
“Waaaait….almost….stupid…key…” his eyelids drooped and he swayed closer to the door with his hand leading his whole body forward. He fell onto the door with a giggle almost snuggling into it.

This was just getting painful now.

Perry jumped up onto Doofenshmirtz’s shoulder and held his hand guiding it into the lock for him. With a clack they were inside.

“I did it!” Doofenshmirtz said gleefully, still holding onto Perry’s hand as they wandered inside. Perry ended up walking in front of him leading Doofenshmirtz by the hand to the elevator pressing the button for him.

Perry listened to the elevator music while looking up at Doofenshmirtz who was singing along to it, poorly. He should’ve let go of his hand by now. Maybe he hadn’t noticed?

_Ding!_

He nearly yanked Perry out of the elevator as he nearly ran towards his door like a child who saw a Slushy Burger across the street, his legs almost getting tangled in themselves as he stumbled into it.  
“Hello home…let me just get my keys for you and we’ll be inside you in no time…” he laughed as he started patting his lab coat pockets.  
He suddenly gasped putting his hand on his cheek “Oh no! I forgot my keys! Perry the Platypus what should we do?”

Perry had still been holding them as he put it into the lock, not even bothering to humour him with a look and lead him inside.

“Aww Perry the Platypus you always know what to do! You saved me from sitting outside! You’re just..so _great_ ”

Perry felt his hand get squeezed as he said the word ‘great’. Had he been holding his hand intentionally the whole time? They had held hands before but never for this long. And it had never felt this intimate before either.

He lead him into the bedroom with Heinz flopping on to the bed like a big kid at a new hotel room with a satisfied sigh “Perry the Platypus I’m going to go to sleep now…just thought I’d let you know”

Perry shook his head jumping onto the bed with him and started to untie his shoes.

Doofenshmirtz sat up slightly looking at Perry with half lidded eyes “ _ohhhh_ Perry the Platypus…You know I’m a little drunk right? It probably isn’t a good idea..”

Perry looked up at him after taking the second shoe off, what on earth was he talking about? He walked over to him and starting taking his lab coat off as he didn’t want the stains to get onto his bedsheets as well.

He then felt a hand slowly stroke his fur “You know Perry the Platypus…You really are great...”  
Perry slipped the lab coat off his shoulders looking up at his drunk eyes, his smile lopsided but filled with that glee he only sees directed at him.

“You’re my best friend… I know we were nemesis not that long ago but even then I still thought of you as my best friend in the _whoooole_ world…that’s kinda sad when you think about it but..” his hand moved up to Perry’s cheek “you mean so much to me Perry the Platypus…you’re... _everything_ to me…”

Heinz pecked Perry’s forehead with a gentle but quick kiss.

Perry just kinda stood there stunned trying to process what had happened and what was said. It was then too late before he realised Heinz was heading in again, this time for his mouth.

It happened so fast, the power behind it passionate if sloppy, his hand on Perry’s cheek pulling him in deeper. He was gently moaning into it, almost as if he had been waiting for it, his mouth parting for desperate gasps of breath in between sloppy kisses.

Perry’s face was crimson red and his eyes were wide open. His head swimming in new sensations and confusion, unsure where to even put his hands as they kind of hung there in the air. He wasn’t even sure if this was really happening right now.

He eventually pulled away from Doofenshmirtz looking him in the eyes with utter confusion. The eyes he saw back were lustful, wanting, loving, and drunk. They both kind of stared at each other for what felt like an eternity, Perry seeing that he was slowly starting to sober up from the experience.

His hand finally fell from Perry’s face as he looked away in embarrassment, an awkward blush creeping on his face replacing his drunk redness.  
“I…I don’t feel so good…” Doofenshmirtz glanced at Perry before looking down again, closing his eyes in a dizzy haze.

The world that had stopped for that moment was now spinning wildly for both of them.

“I think I…I better go to bed…” he turned away from Perry laying down “goodnight Perry the Platypus” he softly mumbled before passing out on the bed into a deep sleep.

Perry couldn’t really speak, but even if he could, he had no words to say.

He looked over the drunken mess of a scientist and pulled the covers over him. He just stood there looking at him sleeping for a while, his beak still tingling and his fur now slightly smelling of booze.

 _What_ _just_ _happened?_

With his head still in a daze, he hopped off the bed with the lab coat and threw it into the washer, went to the kitchen to make a glass of water, grabbed some aspirin and left it on the bedside table.

He looked up at Doofenshmirtz, who was gently moaning in his sleep, before heading out the door. He knew deep down that Heinz was probably not going to remember the events of tonight and it was probably best not to let him know either.

But Perry knew that he would never forget.


End file.
